Woman's emotional guide for sex

It’s rightly said that you perform well in bed when you have the desire to score brownie points.

Everyone likes to enjoy lovemaking with a fully charged up mind and at the same time they want an equally aroused partner in bed to ensure gratifying sex. It's the emotion, mood and the present state of mind that adds to the sexual ecstasy.

A recent study revealed that women with a high emotional intelligence have better sex lives and they experienced more orgasms than those with low EI who suffered orgasmic disorder. “The findings show that emotional intelligence is an added advantage in many aspects of your life, including the bedroom. This study enormously helps in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women's sexual lives," said Professor Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department at King's College London.

Relationship counselor Gitanjali Sharma explains, “Emotional intelligence is basically the ability to understand your emotions and those of people around you. It’s about reading emotions, balancing and regulating them. If you are emotionally satisfied, you are in a happier mood which applies to your bedroom too. It’s important to realise that sex starts in one's mind before it reaches the body. Before having sex physically, you actually get physical mentally and that is possible only with an emotionally sound mind.”

Dr. Kamal Khurana, a marriage and relationship counselor agrees, “Women give sex to get love, so they want a lot of reassurance and companionship from their male partner. They have a sex drive, but eventually it’s more about emotional warmth, which turns into an expression of love and sex. When women receive more of emotional support in dealing with their mood swings, they are happier and consequently perform well in bed.”

Elucidating the fact that women can spice up their sex lives with a dash of emotions, we get experts to share some emotions that can do wonders in your sexual paradise when dealt with in a desired way...

Angry : Anger has to do with fear and it is a very healthy emotion. Anger problems can make hungry-for-sex women become so adamant on controlling their anger that they stop feeling sexy. It's often an alarm clock for their male partner where men are expected to understand that there's something making the woman angry. Anger leads to rejection of the male in an intimate act. The emotion of anger clearly shows that there is a problem deep down due to which the female partner may not be responding in the desired manner.

Spice up the emotion : Dr. Kamal Khurana, a marriage therapist suggests, “Of course you should not talk at that particular time, but men should try and find out the right time to reach out to their lady love. Try talking about what is bothering your lady in a nice manner, which is not hurtful or provoking. As soon as you trace the reason behind her anger, try bringing in a dash of surprise humour to lighten up her mood. Express your love through a meaningful gesture by saying ‘I love you’ via a card, keeping romantic notes below her pillow, cracking a sexual joke or sending her favourite flowers.”

Overjoyed : When a woman is going through this emotion, she would evidently want to go on talking about her elated state of mind. Having such a good mood, she would undoubtedly perform well in bed, but her mind is likely to be diverted.

Spice up the emotion : Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship counselor states, “It’s entirely up to the male partner as to how he handles his woman in bed on that particular night. It’s important for him to listen to her and support her and be a part of her celebration. Understand that she is at her joyful peak, so it will be wrong to expect her to be on the peak of sex too. Be patient and make the most of this emotion by going with the flow. Connect with her and laugh out loud on whatever she says and then as the passion builds on, you can proceed for an intimate session.”

Anxious : Anxious people do not often experience a satisfying orgasm. Anxiety exists when a woman is afraid of something that might happen in the future or something which she has experienced during a particular day. When she goes to bed with these anxieties running through her mind, she is not mentally prepared to enjoy sex. If this emotion is not dealt with properly, possibilities are there that sex would be avoided often and there will be more of excuses in your relationship.

Spice up the emotion : “Ensuring that your woman doesn’t get carried away with this emotion, the male partner has to be supportive here. When in such a mood, sex should not be treated as a tick-marked routine thing which has to be done mundanely. The act should be aimed at comforting each other and the secondary stage should involve body contact. Lot of discussions would help bringing you partner closer to you and as you touch upon the different domains of her life, sex will naturally flow,” suggests Dr. Khurana.

Isolated : This emotion can bring drastic results in a woman’s sex life. Due to a feeling of isolation, she may suffer from depression and have a low confidence level. With feelings of being disowned, she would not want to attach herself with anyone, thus bearing a clear unwillingness towards sex. On the other hand, seeking physical and emotional support, she may become too vulnerable thereby indulging in sex just to come out of this isolation.

Spice up the emotion : “In such circumstances, men must communicate with their female partners to try and help her regain high emotional intelligence. Loving gestures from your end will reassure her and make her come close to you. Once you have given her the recognition and made her feel important in some way, she would be all into you and will be charged up for a sexual session too,” says Gitanjali.

Silence : There must be certain inhibitions that induce a woman to remain silent for a prolonged time span. When a woman is unable to express her mind freely, or she is undergoing emotional pain, her self-esteem is low. During lovemaking moments when your lady love is in such a mood, she will behave as if sex is a forced pressure on her.

Spice up the emotion : “The basic idea while dealing with this emotion is to make her open up and speak out her mind. Chances are high that she might have certain sexual preferences, which she is finding tough to communicate. So make her feel at ease, indulge in a healthy conversation over a coffee, empower her to be expressive and say whatever she wants to without any apprehensions. Once her thoughts are conveyed in a proper manner, she will look forward to lovemaking, sans any uneasiness,” feels Dr. Khurana.

Negative attitude : A pessimistic emotion makes a woman see everything wrong around her. Indulging in negative self-talk, there is nothing that seems to bring joy to her. Even if her male partner approaches her for sex, she is likely not to respond in a desired way.

Spice up the emotion : “The male partner needs to instill a positive feeling to help the woman come out of her negativity. It’s advisable to highlight positive things and good attributes about her and pamper her so as to create a feel good feeling. It’s only after creating this good mood around a lady that her libido can be nurtured too,” shares Gitanjali.

Master the sex lingo

Your body language and actions speak louder than words, at least for a healthy sexual relationship. There are several signals and gestures from your partner which normally you may miss on a routine day. But often it's these expressions of love that indicate that your partner is all set for a night of passion.

From planning a lavish dinner, getting clad in sexy outfits to exchanging naughty messages throughout the day or showering your lover with surprise gifts... these are indications that your partner wants to get cosy. Now it is entirely up to the other partner as how quickly they catch these clues and get ready for some bedroom action.

We list some of the lesser known ‘signs’ from your mate, which would help you decode their sex language easily. Experts too lend some handy tips to make this ‘read between the lines’ experience more exciting...

Dressed to kill : How often would you see your partner clad in a sexy revealing attire without any occasion? Not each day, of course! But if their sensuous style of dressing grabs your attention, it’s very likely that they are angling towards an intimate session. Flaunting see-through lingerie in sensuous shades of red often points out that a woman expects to be loved.

Hot tip : Body language expert Rita Gangwani suggests, “Make it a point to indulge in a sensual play with a provocative undressing to ignite sexual passion. The best way is to go slow because the charm gets lost if you undress all at once, so instead play a game and ask you mate to shed clothes one by one.”

Kids are fast asleep : Some partners have a tendency to baby-sit their kids or remain indulged with teenage kids despite the other mate waiting to make love. In such cases with the kids around, the passion gets spoilt. So what if your mate has got the kids to go to bed early on a particular night? Well, there are chances that he/she is charged for a steamy romp.

Hot tip : Relationship counsellor Dr. Chitra Bakshi says, “When one partner has made sure that the kids do not come in way of their private moments, they need to be extra discreet about their love-making acts. The couple shouldn’t make much noise, as couples tend to get hyper during these acts, so the best would be to do it on the floor. Also, make sure that locks are working properly and curtains are drawn."

Magic with aphrodisiacs : Cooking delectable dishes is the best way to tempt your partner. And if the ingredients happen to be aphrodisiacs, there is no reason that your partner would not understand the sexual signs. Aphrodisiacs like grapes and strawberry are ultimate wonder fruits. You can dip them in whipped cream and invite you partner to taste it.

Hot tip : Psychologist Dr. Ratan Kumar states, “Once it has been conveyed through a romantic dinner that you’re on for a sexual session, make sure that you relish the food by serving each other in a loving manner. Best would be to treat each other sensually, which would help keep the mood alive for passionate moments in bed.”

Break time from office : It's not very often that your partner heads back home early or takes a leave from office without any reason just to be at home (with you). But if they do and more so, if they put their mobile on the silent mode, it’s apparent that their romantic senses are highly stimulated.

Hot tip : Rita asserts, “When your mate has shown a clear interest for some wild action, all you need is to make sure that you too arrange for a break from your workplace and enjoy the pleasure. Once that’s in place, utilise the time to build an exotic environment in your bedroom and let your partner know that you’re equally geared up.”

Surprises to woo : One of the most predictable ways of reading your partner’s mind is the love surprises that they give in the form of gifts. Though it’s not always that giving a gift implies their intension to get intimate, but on certain occasions when the gift comes unexpected or reminds you of some intimate moments cherished earlier, it might be that your beau wants some hot passion.

Hot tip : “Whenever gifts are of a sexual nature like a red flower, a card with some intimate images, lingerie or s heady perfume with an arousing smell, it’s a clear hint that it’s time for a lovemaking night. You just need to ensure that you express it to the other partner that you loved their gifts and it has actually aroused your sexual senses,” recommends Dr. Chitra.

Naughty texts do the talk : Not many couples prefer exchanging romantic messages with their better half during his/her office hours. But if either of the partners is sounding keen and sending naughty messages repeatedly, it might clearly point out that they want some hot sex.

Hot tip : “A text message is possibly the best medium to express what’s on your mind at a given time. Here, the partner on the receiving end must try to respond in a similar way so that the sexual passion is at its peak by the time they reach home. But do not give in easily and let the other partner keep guessing about your mood,” advices Rita.

Why sex keeps Kelly slim

Hot workout ... sexy Kelly

GORGEOUS Kelly Brook has revealed how she keeps in shape - by having hot sex with lover Danny Cipriani.

Kelly, 28, says never has to worry what she eats because her romps with the 21-year-old rugby ace burn off so many calories.

The Strictly Come Dancing star - size 8 with 32E boobs - says: "Sex keeps me fit and healthy - what can be better than that?"

She's right. Sex can burn calories at around the same rate as cycling, so an hour of action could burn as many as 300 calories.

Regular nookie also boosts circulation, lowers cholesterol and reducing stress levels by releasing feel-good endorphins.

It can even help you stay healthier and live longer according to a study by Wilkes University in Pennsylvania.

It found that men who had regular sex had stronger immune systems while those who had more orgasms saw their likelihood of prostate cancer drop by a third.

Bonking will also help Kelly maintain her looks.

Increased output of oestrogen and other hormones helps lead to shiny hair and a glowing complexion.

The penis files: Doctor's Q&A

WHETHER you call them willies or the family jewels, there's no doubt that one part of the male anatomy dominates the questions male readers ask Sun columnist Dr Keith Hopcroft.

Here he answers some of your most common questions:

I HAVE white, sand grain-size spots growing on the head of my penis. You recently said this is not a sign of a sexually transmitted disease. Can you explain more about what they might be before I go to see my GP?

I get loads of letters about this. You're talking about something called pearly penile papules. And you're right, they're not an STD. In fact, they're completely harmless. Loads of men have them.

They show up as a circle of tiny spots - like grains of sand - around the "bell-end" of the penis. But the only problem they cause is anxiety - for you and possibly your partner - because they can be mistaken for a sexually transmitted germ, especially genital warts.

By all means, get checked by your GP. If it is PPP, you'll just get a big dose of reassurance.

EVERY time I have sex with my girlfriend, I suffer premature ejaculation. Can you help?

Premature ejaculation can mean many things. For example, it may be that you simply tend to climax before your partner. That may not bother her. But if it leaves her feeling frustrated, you'll both want to sort it out.

It may be a good idea to move the focus from you to her. Perhaps she needs a bit more stimulation during love-making - and for longer. That way, she's nearer to climax before you get "over-excited".

On the other hand, you may orgasm before penetration, or seconds after, which most people agree is "premature". First, try to relax. Getting uptight will just make it worse. The problem might even disappear on its own.

Changing positions, particularly if she goes on top, may also make you last longer. Using a condom can do the trick, too.

Failing that, she could try the "squeeze technique". This means she squeezes the end of your penis in a certain way when you're near climax, which helps delay things.

This trick can be learned from various books or websites. If all else fails, you could talk to your GP, who might send you for psychosexual counselling.

I'VE noticed a lot of tiny spots around the head of my penis. Should I get checked out?

Yes, although it may be nothing to worry about. The most likely causes are pearly penile papules and genital warts.

Pearly penile papules are quite normal - around one in five men have them. They're small swellings - each about the size of a grain of sugar - arranged in a ring around the "bell end" of the penis. It's not clear why some men get them. But they're definitely harmless, and they're not passed on sexually. So you can just ignore them.

Genital warts look similar but are bigger. These are passed on sexually and should be treated. You can either see your GP or go to a genitourinary medicine clinic - there's probably one at your local hospital.

WHEN I have sex with my girlfriend, I only last one or two minutes. Is there anything available to help me go on a bit longer?

There are ways to help. One is to use the "squeeze technique". This is a finger grip applied to your penis during sex to delay your climax. It's described in detail in various sexual self-help books - your partner can try it on you during lovemaking, or do it to yourself.

A quicker trick that helps some blokes is simply to wear a condom - or even two at once - to reduce sensation. This means you'll take longer to reach "the point of no return".

Trying a different position may do the trick, too, as may having sex more often. So it's not all bad news! If you're getting nowhere and it's a real problem, you could talk to your doc about seeing a sex therapist.

I'VE got a problem - my foreskin is sticking to my penis, making it hard to roll back. Can you advise?

It sounds like you've got a disease of your foreskin which has the impressive name of balanitis xerotica obliterans.

That's BXO for short. It's fairly common, affecting up to one in 300 men. It isn't serious, but it is a nuisance.

The cause is unknown. It results in a thickening of the foreskin, which usually develops slowly, over months or years.

The first signs are an itching or soreness of the skin. As time goes by, the foreskin may lose some of its feeling and stretchiness.

It might also become discoloured. Gradually, the skin thickens to the point that it may be difficult to roll it back - or to roll it forward again afterwards.

In severe cases, it can affect your "wee-hole". This can make your urinary stream weak, or spray all over the place.

You should check this out with your doctor - there are other diseases that can cause similar symptoms, but they're rare.

If he confirms that it is BXO, he may try to ease the problem with steroid creams - these sometimes help.

But if they don't work, or your symptoms are severe, he may refer you to a surgeon for a circumcision - removal of your foreskin.

That usually cures the condition.

SOME time ago a condom burst during sex. Since then I've felt a sensation in my privates - especially when my bladder is full in the morning. What should I do?

A It sounds as though you're worried you might have picked up a sexually transmitted infection. The usual symptoms are a discharge from the penis and burning when you pee, although you can be infected with no symptoms. But there may be no real problem: Your symptoms could be caused by you getting uptight.

Your best bet is a check at a sexual health clinic. Call NHS Direct on 0845 4647 or search for Sexual Health Clinic on nhsdirect.nhs.uk.

I AM 25 and for a while I've been getting pain deep inside when I have sex. Otherwise I'm okay and my periods seem fine. It seems to have come on more since I started on the Pill - so could the contraception be the cause?

I DOUBT this has anything to do with your Pill. The technical term for pain experienced during sex is called dyspareunia.

There are two types. The first is felt mainly on the outside, usually as a soreness around the front passage. Causes can include lack of lubrication, thrush, tension and, in older women, dryness resulting from the menopause.

The other type is called deep dyspareunia - and it sounds like you're in this category.

This sort of pain is felt inside the front passage, or in the lower part of your tummy. If you only notice the problem in certain positions, it's probably caused by his penis accidentally bashing up against your ovaries during sex - so called "collision dyspareunia".

This is uncomfortable, but harmless. And the only way round it is to avoid those positions that bring it on. So he might need to be a bit less gymnastic in bed!

Occasionally, though, it's a sign of trouble with the womb or ovaries. In which case, you might also have painful or heavy periods. But the fact that the Pill usually cures painful or heavy periods means you can't rely on these signs.

So your best bet is to see your doctor. She may want to do an internal examination to check that all is well. Then she'll be able to give you some advice on how to sort out the problem.

I'M 72 and I take seven tablets a day for blood pressure, high cholesterol and diabetes. For years, I've not been able to get an erection. Why is this? And can I take a tablet to help me?

There are many possible reasons why you're having this trouble. Obviously, age is one of those. Your diabetes is another.

That's because diabetes can affect the nerves that control your penis. Also, diabetes - and your high cholesterol - can aggravate the furring up of the blood vessels we all suffer as we get older.

This means that your penis may not receive enough blood to pump it up when you need an erection. Then there's your pills. Many of these have side effects which can affect your sex life, too.

All of which sounds a bit complicated. Fortunately, the treatment's a lot simpler.

Because regardless of what's causing your problem, pills such as Viagra usually help.

But you'd have to talk to your GP about this. He'd want to check that this type of treatment is OK in your particular case and that it won't react badly with any pills you're on.

He will also tell you how to use it properly and will warn you about possible side effects.

Be sexy, feel sexy

Try as you might, you can’t escape it. Sex dominates everything — the media, our movies and drawing room conversations.

One of the most respected management guru Abraham Maslow’s famous hierarchy of needs theory places sex at the very first level along with breathing, food, water, excretion, homeostasis and sleep. So lack of good sex can be directly equated with the effects of lack of good sleep or even a failure to have a good ‘session’ one morning!

A good sex life is part and parcel of healthy living. And what does this mean? It implies satisfaction with your partner and feeling sexually adequate. Also, a person who has a good sex life has good self-esteem and falls into the “I’m ok, you’re ok category”.

SCORCH THE BED
Interestingly, whether in Mumbai, Delhi, LA or Bangkok, most people who ‘get lucky’ assume that they are good in bed. That is, they believe they are able to satisfy their partners completely while satisfying themselves. But more than getting action, having a good sex life also means being able to last long enough to share a wonderful journey and yet not last so long that the journey turns into a punishment for the partner!

So what does it take to excel in bed as in other areas of life? As always, manwoman dynamics differ here too. While both have the need to be satiated, both take different routes for getting there. While a woman can have multiple orgasms and continue to have sex even after she’s exhausted, a man normally goes limp after he orgasms. So for a man, being able to last long enough to satisfy his partner is the primary concern.

Also, don’t get carried away by the ‘quantity’ factor. It’s quality that matters. Sex needn’t be restricted to contortions and gymnastics in bed or in the sweaty back seat of a car. It’s also not just about the act. Sexuality starts from the moment of first contact (even if it’s just eye contact) and continues throughout the relationship for how many ever minutes, hours, weeks, months, years or decades it may last.

SPICE IT UP, DUDE
So how do you ensure your sex life is always rocking? Just remember these tips...
Look fit: A toned physique is undoubtedly the most potent turn-on. Even before the love-making session begins, the sight of toned abs, strong thighs and muscular arms makes you sexually desirable to your partner and starts the fire burning. Those who maintain a toned physique normally have higher confidence levels.

Be fit: A person who is fit is bound to have higher levels of stamina, strength, vitality and vigour than an unfit person. This is sure to catapult your sex life and even lead to higher satisfaction levels, for you and your partner alike. Obesity is one of the key physical reasons for erectile dysfunction. Therefore a fit person stands a better chance of satisfying his / her partner.

De-stress: Stress is one of the biggest killers of a healthy sex life as it leads to many problems, right from reduced stamina to simply not being in mood. So stay stress free. Remember, any problem is only as big as you allow it to be.

Eat right: Good sex demands a healthy diet with adequate zinc and proteins. Zinc is known for its aphrodisiac properties. Eat your way to a sizzling sex life with a diet rich in asparagus, onions, garlic and bananas.

Smell good: Aromas have the magical property of making your brain explode with sensations and feelings. Make sure you smell good at all times. If not for anything else, body odour and bad breath are repulsive to most people.

Dress well: Admit it, we are visual by nature. We always believe in what we see. So dress well, packaging is important. Don’t forget the little details like nail polish, earrings, lipstick etc. Men, please don’t ignore your accessories either. Most women tend to look at men’s shoes very carefully.

Experiment: Don’t restrict yourself in bed, experiment freely with your partner. If your partner suggests something you’ve never heard or dreamt off before, don’t shoot down the idea harshly, it may stop him or her from giving any future suggestions. Explore each other with reckless abandon. It keeps the magic alive and the relationship ticking for years together.

Be genuine: Most of us are capable of identifying fake interest from the real thing. So be genuine in every aspect, it genuinely helps!

THE ALWAYS ‘IN’ LOOK
Ever noticed that the hottest male stars / models, etc normally appear hairless? Ever wondered why? The answer is simple: In pure marketing terms, their target audience is the female viewer. They appear hairless simply because it makes them look better and enhances their sex appeal.

So, while your demure Indian girl may never tell you this directly, do consider that just as you may like to see your woman hairless, smelling good, dressed well and fat free, your woman may also like to see you clean shaven, hairless, smelling good, well dressed, with a great body and dressed up just for her! What say, girls?

Are you addicted to sex? Find out...

Upon hearing the words ‘sex addiction’, people often connect it with a person, usually a man, who has an incessant need to make sexual conquests, but a true definition for the term is yet to be ascertained.

The topic is extremely controversial, and even experts are not able to agree whether sexual addiction is a true addiction, with two researchers publishing in 1998 an article entitled ''Sexual addiction: many conceptions, minimal data''.

Dr. Erick Janssen, the Director of Education & Research Training at The Kinsey Institute, explained in an email that there is no accepted definition for the term.

"We do not have a generally accepted definition of 'sex addiction.' It was originally approached as involving some kind of ''inability to adequately control sexual behaviour,'' but this is, as you can tell, not a very objective definition," CBS News quoted him as writing.

"According to some, sexual addiction seems in the eye of the beholder, or in the eyes of his or her therapist," he stated.

Mavis Humes Baird, an addictions treatment specialist, is convinced that sexual addiction is a true disorder because people are in the throws of an impulse they can''t control, and that there are underlying changes in the brain that cannot be addressed by psychotherapy alone.

"For example, if one of the partners in a couple is having affairs and they're not a sex addict, marriage counselling or family therapy is very effective. But if they're a sex addict, all the therapy in the world getting at problems in the relationship won't touch the addiction," she said.

"One of the primary referral sources for sex addiction is couples counsellors who have been doing attachment work with couples for years with the addiction going on unaffected and sometimes kept secret for all those years.

"You can''t treat the sex problems between the partners until the addiction is treated. And that''s done by a combination of specific treatment protocols, and 12-step program involvement, and sometimes medication," she said.

But Baird also said that it is not listed in the current version of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-IV), and that there's a struggle about whether it will be included in the next edition.

Dr. Herbert Kleber, a professor of Psychiatry at Columbia University Medical Center, where he is the Director of the Division on Substance Abuse, has provided another view.

"Is it an addiction? I'm convinced gambling is an addiction but am agnostic about sexual addiction. Once you let one of them in the door do you let in shopaholics, kleptomaniacs, etcetera? Where do you draw the line?" he said.

Dr. Janssen agrees with Dr. Kleber's scepticism-on there not being prevalent statistics on sexual addiction.

"There are no reliable prevalence statistics on sexual addiction. That is, it has not been measured in representative samples of men and women. A few studies in non-representative samples have concluded that it could involve 5-10 percent of the adult population," he said.

"Most sex researchers prefer to not use that term, instead relying on terms like 'sexual compulsivity' or 'sexual impulsivity' to reflect people's experiences and actual behaviours," he added.

Pin-ups blow men's minds

LOOKING at scantily-clad babes makes blokes see women as tools, not real people with their hopes and desires.

But brain scans reveal that oggling these types of sexy pics switches off the part of their brain involved with empathy and understanding other people.

Heterosexual men were exposed to images of pin-ups while having their brains scanned in the study by boffins at Princeton University.

They were also asked to fill out an questionnaire devised to assess sexual hostility.

Those with the highest hostile sexism scores had reduced acitivity in the 'empathetic' area of the brain.

They also had more activity in the parts of the brain involved in using objects.

The Princeton experts believe this could lead to gender discrimination in the workplace.

So, could these stuning pics of our Page 3 girl Keeley Hazell turn men into sexists?

Hardly.




The study also showed that some of the men had low hostile sexism scores, so it's likely that the high scorers were sexist to start with and that looking the pics simply turned another part of their body on.

And we'd rather men looked at pics of healthy girls with real curves, then stick-thin models with little to put into a bikini.

1 in 5 say Yes! to sex when pregnant

ONE in five women crave sex during pregnancy, a survey revealed yesterday.

Forty per cent of these are most eager at the halfway point.

But love-making often becomes a distant memory after the baby is born, with most parents having a romp less than once a week.

And more than half the women surveyed — 51.4 per cent — said they just DON’T like sex at all.

Sleep

Fewer than one in five couples make love twice a week or more, according to the survey of 7,000 women for parenting website Netmums.

One in four do it once a week and 18 per cent once a month. Four per cent of women admitted they had not had sex with their partner for more than a YEAR.

Almost half - 40 per cent fancy a good night’s sleep more than a romp, but headaches are hardly ever used to explain their lack of libido.

The top excuses for avoiding sex are too tired, that time of the month or keeping mum and pretending to be asleep.

And they realise they’re putting their relationships on the line.

Almost all - 95 per cent - agree that sex is important for a a successful relationship.

Brad Pitt is the celebrity Britain’s mums are most likely to lust after, along with George Clooney, Daniel Craig and Will Smith.

Power doesn’t hit the G-spot. Only 0.3 per cent fantasised over David Cameron and 0.1 think Gordon Brown is sexy.

Parents are most likely to make out at night, with 41 per cent having sex when children are asleep.

But one in five have been caught out by the kids.

One three-year-old thought his mum and dad were playing Tigger - Winnie the Pooh’s friend the bouncing tiger.

Red-faced parents have told children they were play fighting, horsing around or looking for something lost under the duvet.

One mum promised her 14-year-old son they would knock on his door when he was old enough to have girls home if he showed his parents the same respect.

She said: “He replied, ‘Yeah, OK, but mum, I thought you gave up doing it once you are knocking on the door to 40!”

Netmums' sex therapist, Chris Bannigan said: “Many of the mums we see chatting on the Netmums forums find it really difficult to talk to their partner about this."

He will be answering questions online today, from 10am to 3pm and 8pm to 9pm. Click here for details.

SUN GP Dr Carol Cooper says mums-to-be are often surprised how sexy they feel but its more in the head than the hormones.

She adds: “The breasts are more sensitive and body nicely rounded. It can be a turn-on for men and women.”

How not to boob with your bust

THE sun is out, the weather is warmer, and women across the country are showing their cleavage for the first time this year.

But experts warned this week that ladies are neglecting their bosoms. Failing to apply moisturiser or, more importantly, sunscreen, can result in pert puppies turning saggy and wrinkled.

One London salon has even started offering clients a cleavage facial, where a lady's décolletage is exfoliated, massaged and bronzed. You emerge with a cracking cleavage, but you'll also be £75 out of pocket.

Tips

So for those who don't want to fork out a fortune, here are some top tips for beautiful bosoms.





Always slather on sunscreen, using at least SPF15. The sun's rays destroy skin elasticity, causing wrinkles, sagging and increasing cancer risk.

To keep skin looking as young as possible, regularly exfoliate, and always moisturise.

Bin the fags. Smoking destroys vital proteins in the skin, taking the bounce out of your bust.

Woman's emotional guide for sex

It’s rightly said that you perform well in bed when you have the desire to score brownie points.

Everyone likes to enjoy lovemaking with a fully charged up mind and at the same time they want an equally aroused partner in bed to ensure gratifying sex. It's the Isolated :emotion, mood and the present state of mind that adds to the sexual ecstasy.

A recent study revealed that women with a high emotional intelligence have better sex lives and they experienced more orgasms than those with low EI who suffered orgasmic disorder. “The findings show that emotional intelligence is an added advantage in many aspects of your life, including the bedroom. This study enormously helps in the development of behavioural and cognitive therapies to improve women's sexual lives," said Professor Tim Spector, director of the Twin Research Department at King's College London.

Relationship counselor Gitanjali Sharma explains, “Emotional intelligence is basically the ability to understand your emotions and those of people around you. It’s about reading emotions, balancing and regulating them. If you are emotionally satisfied, you are in a happier mood which applies to your bedroom too. It’s important to realise that sex starts in one's mind before it reaches the body. Before having sex physically, you actually get physical mentally and that is possible only with an emotionally sound mind.”

Dr. Kamal Khurana, a marriage and relationship counselor agrees, “Women give sex to get love, so they want a lot of reassurance and companionship from their male partner. They have a sex drive, but eventually it’s more about emotional warmth, which turns into an expression of love and sex. When women receive more of emotional support in dealing with their mood swings, they are happier and consequently perform well in bed.”

Elucidating the fact that women can spice up their sex lives with a dash of emotions, we get experts to share some emotions that can do wonders in your sexual paradise when dealt with in a desired way...

Angry : Anger has to do with fear and it is a very healthy emotion. Anger problems can make hungry-for-sex women become so adamant on controlling their anger that they stop feeling sexy. It's often an alarm clock for their male partner where men are expected to understand that there's something making the woman angry. Anger leads to rejection of the male in an intimate act. The emotion of anger clearly shows that there is a problem deep down due to which the female partner may not be responding in the desired manner.

Spice up the emotion : Dr. Kamal Khurana, a marriage therapist suggests, “Of course you should not talk at that particular time, but men should try and find out the right time to reach out to their lady love. Try talking about what is bothering your lady in a nice manner, which is not hurtful or provoking. As soon as you trace the reason behind her anger, try bringing in a dash of surprise humour to lighten up her mood. Express your love through a meaningful gesture by saying ‘I love you’ via a card, keeping romantic notes below her pillow, cracking a sexual joke or sending her favourite flowers.”

Overjoyed : When a woman is going through this emotion, she would evidently want to go on talking about her elated state of mind. Having such a good mood, she would undoubtedly perform well in bed, but her mind is likely to be diverted.

Spice up the emotion : Gitanjali Sharma, a relationship counselor states, “It’s entirely up to the male partner as to how he handles his woman in bed on that particular night. It’s important for him to listen to her and support her and be a part of her celebration. Understand that she is at her joyful peak, so it will be wrong to expect her to be on the peak of sex too. Be patient and make the most of this emotion by going with the flow. Connect with her and laugh out loud on whatever she says and then as the passion builds on, you can proceed for an intimate session.”

Anxious : Anxious people do not often experience a satisfying orgasm. Anxiety exists when a woman is afraid of something that might happen in the future or something which she has experienced during a particular day. When she goes to bed with these anxieties running through her mind, she is not mentally prepared to enjoy sex. If this emotion is not dealt with properly, possibilities are there that sex would be avoided often and there will be more of excuses in your relationship.

Spice up the emotion : “Ensuring that your woman doesn’t get carried away with this emotion, the male partner has to be supportive here. When in such a mood, sex should not be treated as a tick-marked routine thing which has to be done mundanely. The act should be aimed at comforting each other and the secondary stage should involve body contact. Lot of discussions would help bringing you partner closer to you and as you touch upon the different domains of her life, sex will naturally flow,” suggests Dr. Khurana.

This emotion can bring drastic results in a woman’s sex life. Due to a feeling of isolation, she may suffer from depression and have a low confidence level. With feelings of being disowned, she would not want to attach herself with anyone, thus bearing a clear unwillingness towards sex. On the other hand, seeking physical and emotional support, she may become too vulnerable thereby indulging in sex just to come out of this isolation.

Spice up the emotion : “In such circumstances, men must communicate with their female partners to try and help her regain high emotional intelligence. Loving gestures from your end will reassure her and make her come close to you. Once you have given her the recognition and made her feel important in some way, she would be all into you and will be charged up for a sexual session too,” says Gitanjali.

Silence : There must be certain inhibitions that induce a woman to remain silent for a prolonged time span. When a woman is unable to express her mind freely, or she is undergoing emotional pain, her self-esteem is low. During lovemaking moments when your lady love is in such a mood, she will behave as if sex is a forced pressure on her.

Spice up the emotion : “The basic idea while dealing with this emotion is to make her open up and speak out her mind. Chances are high that she might have certain sexual preferences, which she is finding tough to communicate. So make her feel at ease, indulge in a healthy conversation over a coffee, empower her to be expressive and say whatever she wants to without any apprehensions. Once her thoughts are conveyed in a proper manner, she will look forward to lovemaking, sans any uneasiness,” feels Dr. Khurana.

Negative attitude : A pessimistic emotion makes a woman see everything wrong around her. Indulging in negative self-talk, there is nothing that seems to bring joy to her. Even if her male partner approaches her for sex, she is likely not to respond in a desired way.

Spice up the emotion : “The male partner needs to instill a positive feeling to help the woman come out of her negativity. It’s advisable to highlight positive things and good attributes about her and pamper her so as to create a feel good feeling. It’s only after creating this good mood around a lady that her libido can be nurtured too,” shares Gitanjali.